Always Searching, Sometimes Finding



“We travel, some of us forever, to seek other states, other lives, other souls.”
― Anaïs Nin


For as long as

I have known myself

I have been on a quest

this questing

ranges from

the simple

search for

a delicious treat

to fill a minor hunger


a complex journey

through a labyrinth

mainly looking for a way out

but also seeking the answer

to how I got in there

in the first place


“The most important reason for going from one place to another is to see what’s in between, and they took great pleasure in doing just that.”
― Norton Juster


 One such labyrinth

was an old furniture warehouse

which I visited recently

there amongst

corridors of other people’s discarded junk

was a treasure

after which

I had been lusting

for many years

a mannequin

naked in her glory

I have no idea why

I want one of these


bespoke clothing

is not the reason

as the stitches I make

are only to keep

what clothing I have from falling apart

(the idea of shopping

of acquiring new clothes

fills me with a dread

similar to taking a test

am I sure I will fail

for I was running barefoot through imagination

rather than studying)

should you ever see someone

in the street

who looks like a ragdoll

that is probably me


“It’s dreadful what little things lead people to misunderstand each other.”
― L.M. Montgomery




4 thoughts on “Always Searching, Sometimes Finding

  1. Oh, now that just makes me want to shop FOR you!! I love sewing. I love fabric. I LOVE shopping. I love clothes (mostly vintage, unique, hand-made, garage sale, etc. items)

    I’ve been told I was a fabric merchant on the Nile in an ancient previous life. Not sure what I actually believe about all things spiritual but I have been told THIS particular detail THREE times, by completely unrelated “psychic/past life/spiritual types” so I lean toward…well, something.

    And get this! For my high school graduation, my Aunt, who taught me to sew at 7 years old, made me a floor length, patchwork skirt, using tiny pieces of fabric from everything she had ever made me. It was beautiful, but I was so mad at her, that I gave it to Goodwill. I soon came to my senses (and got over my adolescent rebellion) but of course, it was too late.

    Many, MANY years later, I spotted MY skirt at a Garage Sale! Amazing, huh? Not yet.

    I gave it away in Mississippi, and the Garage Sale was in Washington state!!

    Now, that is amazing.

    Clothing has meaning to me, each piece a story.

    If you want me to find something for you, just say the word. I’d love to go on a QUEST in your honor!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you very much for such a generous offer!

      What a wonderful life story, to find that skirt after so long and so far. That is the sort of event which is impossible to explain and inspires belief in mysterious threads sewing us together with the fabric of the universe. The skirt was obviously far more than a piece of clothing, it was a totem made especially for you and it took you on a life lesson journey. It’s intriguing that you gave it to Goodwill – so many nuances. A-maze-ing in-deed!

      I’m very difficult to buy clothes for mainly because I’m happy with what I have and will wear something until that something turns to dust. As a child my favourite book was ‘Old Hat New Hat’, part of the Berenstain Bears series, wherein papa bear goes shopping for a new hat and ends up finding the perfect hat in his old hat which he wanted to replace. I love it when clothes are at that stage when they’re like a second skin and you don’t notice that you’re wearing them.

      At the moment I’m on the hunt for possible items for a photo shoot with a Victorian or Edwardian style influence. I think I may have what I need already, but I may be wrong about that and am always open to suggestions and inspiration.

      I tried past life regression therapy once, interesting experience, not sure if what I ‘saw’ was real or just the psyche telling its story through the medium of the moment. For several people to say that you were a fabric merchant on the Nile – that’s an unusual choice, specific and not something you’d expect people to pick out of thin air – it presents some great imagery. Anything is possible if we’re open to it, and we really know so little about who we really are perhaps because the options are vast so we narrow things down.


      • Great response. Thanks. Thought provoking. I definitely understand your clothing choice! Me too. Have a few uniforms that I stick to, but also enjoy the occasional dress-up times…not like dressing in formal things but I mean, wearing unusual, maybe even statement-making things.

        “the psyche telling its story through the medium of the moment”. I LOVE this! I think I’ll use it, if it’s OK, with my clients. I have said myself that every theory of religion, spirituality, philosophy and psychology are basically stories that were made up/thought up along the way to explain something otherwise unfathomable! I love how you said that because often often a change of medium (kind of like changing one’s perspective) can really uncover or deepen needed lessons for our lives! (If religion isn’t doing it for you, try astrology!, etc.)

        Ya, that skirt…huge lesson there. I was a covert rebeller in adolescence. Ran away from home at 15 and ended up being “taken in’ by an amazing Aunt. But she was also extreme in her religious control, and emotionally blackmailing. So Goodwill seemed the most quiet way of saying fuck you. Regretted it instantly but already too late.

        Wish I had Victorian things to send you. Did you see my post on my female ancestor’s frilly stuff??


        • Thank you for sharing such a wonderful post!

          I have nothing from my own ancestors other than what I carry in my mind and genes as I’ve moved around so much in life that I decided certain things had to go, eventually those certain things included everything except what I needed in the here and now of the there and then. I do wish I’d kept things now that I’m settled (at least I think I’m settled) as I finally have somewhere to put them, but I’m sure they’ve found a new home with other people as other people’s things have found a new home with me.

          Life is such a bizarre and intriguing adventure.

          We have a Mustang 😉


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